


Bursting at the Seams

by legendofthesevenstars



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, First Kiss, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Self-Esteem Issues, Sewing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofthesevenstars/pseuds/legendofthesevenstars
Summary: Marianne joins the Black Eagle House and meets another shy girl, Bernadetta. Captivated by how Bernadetta is lit up with enthusiasm by her interests, Marianne slowly becomes closer to her as she engages in her hobbies with her.
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	Bursting at the Seams

Today marked Marianne’s first day as a member of the Black Eagle House. The Professor had recommended she join after witnessing her prowess with Faith magic and growing talent for Reason magic. She didn’t see why the Professor was so eager to accept her into their class. Why was she so special? Many of the students from the Empire were magically talented. And it wasn’t like she would get along any better with them than she did with the students in the Golden Deer. It was best if she just avoided everyone as often as possible.

However, the Professor refused to let Marianne sit by herself. She could choose one of two empty seats. One was next to a boy with dark green hair who looked tired but was staring at her as she arrived, which made her shrink back a little. The other was next to a purple-haired girl whose eyes were glued to her sketchbook. She chose the purple-haired girl.

As soon as she sat down, the girl’s shoulders tensed. She turned to Marianne and said, “Hi, I’m Bernadetta,” in a mousy voice, waving with a trembling hand.

Marianne said hello back, then turned to her papers. The Black Eagles’ assignments seemed far more advanced. The Professor had warned her that the training schedule could get rigorous, but also that they would not have invited Marianne to join if they did not think she was capable.

She snuck a glance at Bernadetta. She was still sketching. Marianne watched the careful, controlled movements of her hand. Though her hands had shaken when she’d greeted Marianne, she was precise and meticulous when she sketched. Even if she couldn’t tell what Bernadetta was drawing, it was fascinating to watch. It reminded her of her former classmate Ignatz, a shy and reserved artist who had been nothing but kind to her. Even if she had no right to accept anyone’s kindness, she wanted to believe that she had been right to sit beside this girl rather than the green-haired boy.

Before Marianne could turn back to her papers, Bernadetta noticed her looking, and with a shrill squeak that startled her, slammed her sketchbook shut. Marianne looked away for a moment, then glanced back up. Bernadetta’s face was quickly flushing deep red.

“You didn’t see anything, did you?” Bernadetta hissed. “Oh, please tell me you didn’t!”

“I’m sorry…”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have kept working on it with someone sitting next to me… why do I think drawing in public will ever go well?! I’m so stupid!”

Marianne’s heart clenched. She had messed up Bernadetta’s drawing just by sitting near her. She had no hope of befriending the other girl. But even if she couldn’t make friends, she could still try to get something out of the professor’s class.

—

Class dragged the next few days. Though Marianne didn’t change her spot, she only greeted Bernadetta once and stayed silent on the rest of the days. She didn’t bring her sketchbook again. Instead, she started an embroidery hoop, but Marianne only glimpsed the lavender fabric she’d stretched over the wooden hoop, and some bright green and pink thread. She didn’t look at the picture or ask about it.

She really admired Bernadetta because she wasn’t the artistic type herself. Arts and crafts required way too much precision. She’d tried a bit of sewing, but her stitches came out crooked, and she was always poking herself with the needle. But Bernadetta, despite that her hands always seemed to be trembling at other times, had the utmost focus when it came to arts and crafts. She had deft hands.

Marianne was still sitting with the girls from the Golden Deer at meals. She didn’t really want to leave the three of them, even though Leonie, Hilda, and Lysithea all asked in turn why she wasn’t with her new classmates. Truthfully, they still kind of scared her. Edelgard was very pretty and talented with an axe, but she was intimidating and stern. She was almost always with Hubert, who was intimidating in a different way. Then there was Ferdinand, who was loud and bombastic, and Caspar, who was loud and energetic. Linhardt was quiet enough, but he kept giving her weird looks, and she’d heard he visited Hanneman’s office frequently. She didn’t really need to be bothered about her Crest. As for the rest of the girls, Dorothea and Petra seemed nice enough, but the only one she’d said anything to was Bernadetta.

Bernadetta was also the only one from her house who spent mealtimes alone. She never sat in the dining hall. She _was_ getting food, because Marianne saw her in line, but then she seemed to disappear, even as the weather got too cold for sitting outside. Marianne watched her run out the front door, but after that, she wasn’t sure where Bernadetta went.

But today, the Professor intercepted Bernadetta on her way out, shaking their head. The Professor said something to her and pointed to an open table. Trembling from head to foot, she nodded, then scampered over to one of the unoccupied corners of the tables, watching the Professor stride back over to the line.

After Marianne got her tray, she walked past the girls from her former house and took a seat across from Bernadetta. She only glanced at her for a moment after saying hello, but it was long enough to see that Bernadetta’s eyes had gone wide. Marianne started on her vegetables, staring firmly at her tray, when Bernadetta began to stutter across from her.

“Um…”

“Um…”

“Sorry!” Bernadetta gasped.

Marianne lifted her head, but kept her eyes on her tray. “Sorry…”

“No, no, I shouldn’t talk over you, you should say what you have to say first—”

“It’s not like I have anything worthwhile to say, so you should go first.”

“Um, I don’t know what to say…”

“Me neither.” Marianne shook her head. “I’m not good at conversation. Sorry.”

“Well, I’m even worse, so then it means we don’t have to talk, right?” Bernadetta fake-laughed nervously.

Discomfort was roiling in Marianne’s stomach, like any time she tried to talk to other people, but she also felt some of her tension ease. Bernadetta’s own discomfort had nothing to do with her. It was an encouraging thought that someone else was afraid of people. But why wasn’t Bernadetta afraid of her then? Bernadetta fled from her other classmates, and she had nearly crawled away in fear from the Professor. If she found out the truth about Marianne, there was no way she would stay in her seat.

“Why didn’t you run away?” Marianne asked.

Bernadetta nearly choked on her bite of vegetables. “H-huh?!”

“When I came to sit down with you, why didn’t you run away?”

She slammed her fork on her tray and clutched the table with both hands. “ _Should_ I be running?!”

Marianne’s heart was pounding in her throat, like Bernadetta’s fight-or-flight instinct was rubbing off on her. “No, it’s just that people don’t usually stick around me for long. And they shouldn’t because there’s no reason to.”

“Well, it’s because you’re not really that scary. I mean, not that everyone else is. Dorothea and Petra aren’t scary, but Edelgard is very scary, and so is Hubert.” She swallowed, but loosened her grip on the table. “Um, how loud you are also has a lot to do with how scary you are. Like Caspar and Ferdinand. Way too loud. But it’s not about being quiet either, because Linhardt and Hubert are _too_ quiet. And you’re just… you just never bothered me. You’re always quiet in class. And I don’t really think you’re that scary.”

“I… see.” Marianne lifted her head and met Bernadetta’s eyes. “Thank you.”

“I’m rambling. I was going on and on about different kinds of people being scary. Oh, you must think I’m so stupid now. Like you’re going to get what I mean.”

“No, actually, I do understand. And I’m glad you’re not scared of me. That’s really nice to hear.”

“Oh—Okay.” Bernadetta flushed pink again.

She hadn’t brushed her hair in at least a day, and dark circles cast shadows under her gray eyes. Her uniform was wrinkled. The strings on the hoodie were uneven, and there were some stains on the front golden part.

Marianne was startled back to reality by Bernadetta asking, “Um, do you just keep that in from day to day?”

“Huh?”

“Your hair.”

“Yes, it’s much easier to take care of.” She wasn’t going to tell Bernadetta that most of the time she fell asleep before she could even think about taking a bath. Often, she was too tired in the evening to even muster the strength to walk to the baths.

“I wish I could do a hairstyle like that. It looks so pretty.”

“Your hair might be a little short for that.”

“It must be really long when you let it down.”

“Yes, it’s been growing for a while.”

“I would grow my hair longer, but I just can’t stand having long hair. I’m sure yours looks really pretty when you let it down.”

“Oh, um, thank you.”

Bernadetta blushed again and turned back to her food. “Why’d I say that,” she muttered under her breath.

Marianne pretended she hadn’t heard, but a strange warmth burned her cheeks, and it was suddenly difficult to keep her eyes entirely on her lunch.

—

Though Marianne liked flowers, she wouldn’t consider herself to have a green thumb. Still, it was important to tend to the plants, not just for greenhouse duty but also when she needed herbs for the monastery horses’ ailments. Another day, like today’s free day, she might just be looking for a little treat for the cats. She was on her way to the corner where the catnip grew when she spotted Bernadetta, whose shoulders tensed at the sight of her.

Marianne backed away. “I’m sorry. I’ll be going now.” She already had a backup plan, which was to go back to her room and take a second nap. She took one nearly every day, but sometimes she just felt weary and bored enough to take another.

Bernadetta frowned, moving aside slightly. “I’m sorry. I must be in your way.”

Marianne hesitated. Then she giggled. The fear faded from Bernadetta’s face, and she laughed her nervous laugh.

“So you like the plants?” Marianne asked.

“Yeah, I like carnivorous plants!” She stepped aside, revealing a small patch of pitcher plants and flytraps. “I usually have bugs or something to feed them, and I give them each a bug with a little pair of tweezers.”

“Oh, I… never saw those before.”

Bernadetta’s brow knit in worry. “You think it’s weird, don’t you? I know it’s really dumb and weird.”

“No, actually, I think I get it. They’re like your pets, right?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “They are my pets!” She pointed to the biggest one. “This is Freddie. He’s a Sea Star flytrap. And this is Gertrude, and this is Ernest, and this is Virginia.”

“Hello, everyone.” Marianne offered a small smile. It reminded her of all the monastery birds, cats, dogs, and horses, though Bernadetta’s animals were much less lively than hers.

Bernadetta smiled slightly. “Um, do you like plants, too?”

“Yes. I love flowers. But actually, I came here to pick up some herbs for the monastery cats.”

“Oh? What herbs?”

“Just catnip. I’m going to pick it today so it has time to dry. Then I’ll probably just put it in a little bag in my sleeve, or rub it on my hands. The cats will enjoy that.”

Bernadetta’s eyes lit up. “Did you know you can put dried catnip inside a toy? You sew a little mouse, fill it with catnip, and then you can use it whenever you play with the cats. I did it once before, even though I never had a cat of my own. But the cats here really like it.”

“I never thought of doing that before.”

“I can show you the toy I made. I’ll just need to stop by my room, then I can give it to you in class tomorrow.”

“Maybe the cats would like the fresher catnip better.”

Bernadetta hummed. “That’s a good idea. Um… do you have other plans for your free day?” She wrung her hands. “I can show you how to sew the toy, if you want.”

Marianne tensed, lowering her head slightly. “I’m not sure I’d be very good at sewing anything. I’m just so clumsy that I always make mistakes, and it turns into a mess.”

“It’s okay.” Bernadetta’s voice was gentle, kind even. “I can help you. The pattern is super easy, and you’ll be able to learn the stitch really quickly!”

Marianne lifted her head to look at Bernadetta again. Where she shrunk around her classmates and in social situations, when she was talking about her hobbies and the things she loved, she seemed almost to glow. Why couldn’t she feel that same warmth about anything she did? Was there anything that made her light up like that? Despite that her clothes were messy and her hair in disarray, Bernadetta looked radiant when she did and talked about the things she loved. Marianne envied her, but she also admired her.

“I’ll give it a try,” Marianne said.

—

Bernadetta brought Marianne back to her room. She was a bit hesitant at first, but after Marianne said her room probably didn’t look any better, she opened the door. She pulled up another chair and searched for some spare fabric scraps. While she was searching, Marianne noticed the lavender embroidery hoop, still in progress, on her desk. The image looked like a half-finished pot of pink flowers.

Once she’d finally found both the fabric, the pattern, and the example toy, a mouse with a little yarn tail, Bernadetta started marking up the area to cut, then she picked up a pair of fabric shears. Marianne watched her work, the outline of the pattern falling into her lap. Bernadetta’s hands were cracked and dry from the approaching winter, even though Marianne had seen her put on a pair of navy gloves when she left the greenhouse, and her nails were short and jagged, like she had chewed them. Marianne had chewed hers as a child; though she’d stopped the habit, she still kept her nails short.

“Okay, perfect,” Bernadetta said finally. “This piece is the mouse’s body. These two are the ears, and the piece of yarn is the tail. See how the body is in the shape of a heart? You put the tail in the middle of the heart, then sew the body halfway shut. After that, you fill it with catnip, sew the body shut, then attach your ears.”

Marianne frowned slightly. “That sounds like a lot of steps. I’m not sure I can remember all of that.”

“I know the feeling. Projects with a lot of steps can get really overwhelming. But it won’t be nearly as bad if we take it one step at a time.”

“Oh, I see.” Marianne still wasn’t completely confident, but seeing how calm Bernadetta was made her feel more at ease.

“So, I guess we can just go ahead and get started. Do you know how to do an overhand stitch?”

Marianne’s cheeks flushed. “Um… to tell the truth, it’s been a while for me.”

“It’s okay. You can practice on this spare piece of fabric first. Here, watch.” She lifted another one of the scraps in her lap, showing the threaded needle. “You double up the thread like this, and you make a knot at the beginning.” She pulled the knot tight at the corner. “Then, you go up and around, like in a loop, and pull it back through. See the loop I’m making? That’s all you have to do.”

“I’ll try.” Marianne snipped a length of thread and threaded her needle. She tied the knot in the corner, then started to pull each stitch through.

“You’re getting a little crooked,” Bernadetta stuttered midway through. Then she squeaked, “Oh no! Your knot wasn’t tight enough, and it’s—”

Just as Marianne was ready to stop her practice stitch, her thread ran short, and the knot came undone, leaving tiny holes in the fabric. Her heart plummeted into her stomach.

“I can’t even make a knot,” she mumbled.

“No, it’s my fault. I’m not being a good teacher.” Bernadetta got up from her seat, then moved her chair next to Marianne’s. “Here. Let me show you how to tie a knot again.”

She provided another demonstration of how to knot the first stitch. Marianne watched carefully, but when she tried to replicate it, Bernadetta said, “No, that’s not it.”

Marianne sighed. “How will I ever stitch the toy if I can’t even do a knot? You picked the wrong person for this.”

“No, I said I was going to teach you. If you’re getting something wrong, it’s my fault. So let me keep trying.”

“No, you should just give up now and save yourself the trouble.”

“Why would I give up? Unless…” Bernadetta sighed. “You don’t really want to make the toy, do you? You just said you did so that I would stop bothering you. That’s it, isn’t it? You wanted me to stop bugging you about it. You think it’s a stupid idea. Really, _really_ stupid.”

“What?” Marianne cried, turning her head to face Bernadetta, who was looking at the floor. “I mean, no. No… it’s not stupid. I wouldn’t have even thought of making the toy if it weren’t for you.”

Bernadetta met her eyes again, but she didn’t say anything, so Marianne continued, “In fact, I’m glad you said so. This way I won’t have to worry about the catnip anymore, and there’ll be more space in the greenhouse. Maybe if you want to grow more of your carnivorous plants, you’ll have space for them.”

“You really mean that?” Bernadetta said. Some of the light was beginning to return to her eyes.

“Yes, of course. They really mean a lot to you.”

“No, I mean that you were glad about the toy. About my idea.”

“I was. I didn’t think it was a waste of time. I wouldn’t have done anything special this afternoon if you hadn’t had that idea. To tell the truth, I would have gone back to my room and back to bed.”

Bernadetta looked at the floor again. “And I probably would have gone back to my room and studied or sewed alone.” She met Marianne’s eyes. “So it’s probably better we decided to spend this time with each other instead.”

“I know I’m not very good at the stitches, but…”

Marianne took a deep breath in. Though the voice in her head was telling her to tell Bernadetta _give up, give up, give up on me_ , there was another voice inside her heart fighting back against what that nagging voice was saying.

In the end, the voice inside her heart won.

“I’ll stay and try some more. Because you offered to help.”

A smile finally came to Bernadetta’s lips, and Marianne suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach. “Okay. Then let’s get right to it.”

—

It took a few days for the catnip to dry out. Since there was an assignment due on Saturday, Bernadetta and Marianne wouldn’t be able to finish the cat toys until their next free day. Thankfully, they had enough to stuff both toys full of catnip. Bernadetta set a mat on the floor while they were filling the toys, so that any spare pieces of catnip wouldn’t be stuck on the floor, get on her socks or shoes, and draw all the cats to her. Her worry was a little irrational, but Marianne complied because the way she listed all the possible reasons it could go wrong almost made her giggle.

Caspar, along with the freckled, gray-haired boy from the Blue Lions, was playing with the cats, alongside Hapi, one of the students from Abyss. When Bernadetta and Marianne appeared on the scene with their catnip-filled toys, the cats were drawn to them. Linhardt came to the dock to fish, and Caspar begged him to catch one for the cats, which distracted a couple of them from the toys. Hapi also managed to draw one of the cats away. But most of them were enamored by the catnip.

The others left for lunch. Bernadetta admitted she’d had a larger breakfast than usual, and Marianne agreed she wasn’t that hungry, so they walked toward the stables. On the pathway between the stables and the classrooms, they ran into another group of cats and played with them. However, the chill of late fall was setting in. The sun had disappeared behind a cloud, and the sky was beginning to darken. Bernadetta was shivering, clutching her half-bare legs to her body. There were goosebumps on her knees. Marianne’s teeth were starting to chatter.

“Looks like rain,” Marianne said. Thunder sounded in the distance, startling Bernadetta.

“It won’t be coming for a while,” Bernadetta began, but just as she got to her feet, the heavens burst, and it began to pour.

“Oh, no!” Bernadetta cried. She tugged on Marianne’s sleeve. “Stables!”

She pulled her forward, making Marianne stumble, but she let Bernadetta lead her to the stables. She closed the stable door behind them and pulled her to a corner. It was oddly dark outside, and rain was pounding on the roof. Bernadetta still hadn’t let go of her sleeve, and their arms were pressed together. In her ear, she heard Bernadetta trying to catch her breath. Marianne’s heart was pounding in her throat. When did it get so late in the afternoon? And when had Bernadetta gotten so close?

Bernadetta groaned. “Ugh, it’s so cold and wet.” She tousled her damp hair with her free hand. “What if it pours the rest of the afternoon? We won’t get any dinner. Are we going to have to eat straw?”

“Hopefully it’ll pass soon,” Marianne said.

“And my hair’s all wet, too,” Bernadetta whined.

Marianne freed her sleeve from Bernadetta’s grasp and walked over to the rack where the saddle blankets hung. She tossed one over to Bernadetta, who caught it with an, “Oof!”

“Thank you,” she said, ruffling the water out of her hair.

Marianne watched her. She touched her waterlogged hair. It would dry out faster if she let it down, so she slowly began to undo the braids.

“Oh, yeah, you’re gonna let your hair down to dry,” Bernadetta said. “Probably a good idea.”

“It’ll be faster, and it won’t be so cold, then.”

A few minutes passed as she dug all the hairpins out, unraveling the tight braids. It unrolled slowly down her back, only half-wet and stiff and wavy from all the hairpins and being kept in braids for a week. She placed all the spare hairpins in the pocket of her skirt, though it was likely she’d lose them anyway.

Then she felt the saddle blanket, heavy against her head, and Bernadetta’s hands moving it back and forth.

Bernadetta pulled the blanket away. “Um, sorry! I wasn’t thinking. It was just—I mean, I thought—”

“It’s fine. Thank you.” She looked at the blanket. “We can probably use it to keep warm.”

“Both of us?” Bernadetta’s eyes widened. “I mean, of course. I guess. If you’re fine with that.”

Marianne said nothing, only sat in the straw. Bernadetta slowly sat down next to her, spreading the blanket across their laps. Their shoulders bumped as Bernadetta moved closer, and Marianne watched her fix the blanket as her heart continued to thump in her throat.

“Wool kind of makes me itchy, but it’s the best way to keep warm,” Bernadetta said. “I’m just not used to weather this cold.”

“A saddle blanket is made for a horse, not a person.”

“It’s still warm. And besides, you knew where those blankets were. I never would have thought to look where you did, even though it was right inside the stable door.”

“Oh, well… I guess it’s just because I’m here often.”

“That’s right. The Professor’s always got you on stable duty. And usually with Ferdinand.” Bernadetta frowned. “Man, I feel bad. That must be the worst.”

“He’s learned not to bother me. I try to take stable duty as much as I can, no matter who’s on it.”

“You really like horses, then.”

“I love horses. But you’ve never been on stable duty before.”

“Um…” Bernadetta hesitated, biting her dry bottom lip. “Horses… are complicated. Mostly I’m mad at them because I hate trying to draw them. They’re so complicated and just kind of awkward.”

Marianne hummed. “I could see that.”

“But what I really think of horses aside from that, well. They’re big, and beautiful. They’re kind of scary sometimes, too. But they’re not people, so I think they’re all right.” She paused for a moment, her brow furrowing slightly in thought, making Marianne’s heart skip a beat. “People can do a lot of terrifying things to try and hurt and even kill you. But if a horse did it, it would be a complete accident. A horse doesn’t know it’s being cruel. And that’s why I think horses are kind of breathtaking, in a good and a bad way.”

Marianne felt stunned, awestruck. She had to take a moment to collect herself.

“Wow,” she breathed. “What a beautiful way to put it.”

Bernadetta squeaked, her eyes going wide. She lifted her hands in self-defense. “Sorry, I was rambling and I have _no_ idea what just came out of my mouth—”

“No,” Marianne said, a little more firmly than she intended. Swallowing, she inched away slightly, then lowered her voice to say, “I think every word you said was so true. People can be so cruel. But animals don’t know cruelty. Animals are innocent and free of sin. The Goddess will never punish an animal, because it doesn’t know right from wrong. Animals are free. They’re free, both to be bad and good. They don’t have to worry about what people, or the Goddess, think of them…”

“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly right! People can be so cruel. And it’s hard for me not to think everyone wants the worst for me when they see me. I always think deep down everyone hates me. That what they want is to get rid of me.”

Marianne’s heart clenched. _Does she hate me, too?_ the tiny, nagging voice in the back of her mind sneered. But the voice inside her heart knew the truth.

“But I never feel like that around you,” she whispered, looking deep into Marianne’s eyes. “I’ve never been scared around you. You’re always around the cats and the horses. That’s why I have no doubt you understand what it means to be kind. And even if I shouldn’t, I always feel myself letting my guard down around you.”

She swallowed; Marianne watched her throat bob but didn’t tear her eyes away. Bernadetta was so close. Her breath was warm. Their hands were brushing, and not accidentally.

“What I’m saying,” Bernadetta said, her voice shaking, “is that I hope we get stuck.”

Marianne’s “Me too” was more a breath than words. She leaned in, and her nose bumped Bernadetta’s, and she felt the roughness of her warm, dry lips against hers. She thought about how Bernadetta had glowed about her plants, her sewing, and the cats. She thought about a girl sketching awkward, lanky, bony horses on the pages of a sketchbook, and felt that her own awkward bones were shifting into a new alignment that she could only just begin to understand.


End file.
